Whether or not your financial life was relatively successful before divorce, you may be struggling with resilience and money after divorce.  Even if you have plenty of money, you may feel frustrated about a variety of factors.  Maybe having to share your hard-earned resources is psychologically difficult.  Maybe you have been a stay at home parent for years and now you’re scrambling to make ends meet.  Possibly you have plenty of resources but you still don’t feel secure.  Whatever your personal situation, the secret sauce to survive, thrive and build financial resilience after divorce is to remember that your present circumstances do not dictate your future. Feeling at one with your money after divorce is a topic that is a day by day process.

Take heed. With these simple tips below and a few deep breaths, you can get your financial life after divorce back on track. Even if it seems like you’ll never feel better about your money after divorce, I invite you to embrace confidence.  You can get to a place of comfort with these actionable tips.  Just remember, how you feel is completely normal.  In different ways, money after divorce is difficult for nearly everyone. 

Now, let’s get to the secret sauce (just five ingredients!) you need to start developing your financial resilience and allow you to feel better about your money after divorce.

1. Confidence

Release the Shame.  You may find yourself shame flooding when you think about your money after divorce.  Your financial picture is not what you thought it would be.  While it is perfectly normal, that unanticipated change can be unsettling and anxiety provoking. When you are emotionally dysregulated, focusing can be difficult. Allowing yourself to release the shame you may feel in your present circumstance will serve you going forward.  When lost in an emotional swirl, productivity suffers and clarity diminishes. A great way to begin to find places where you can make small shifts to move forward combating this dysregulation is to notice your state of mind. Notice your inner narrative. Building your resilience and money after divorce is a day to day process. Release what does not serve you.

2. Positive Money Narrative.

Change Your Money Narrative.  Emotional issues and money seem to go hand in hand. Money after divorce is a hot topic because the struggle is real. There’s never been a better time to  navigate forward with a strong, informed, powerful plan.  What is so incredible about changing the way you interact with yourself, your environment and your money you can make extensive changes in your world.  Select one habit to improve and you have the ability to truly improve your financial wellness after divorce. Consider creating a personal money mantra such as “I have control over my financial situation” or “money easily flows to me and my family.”  Make a habit of repeating this mantra throughout the day.  As you truly internalize it as you launch forward through and beyond your divorce you can radically and powerfully change your beliefs. You are your thoughts so be sure to create a positive money narrative.

3. Knowledge

Take Stock of Your Finances:  The best way to create a pathway forward for your financial resilience is to analyze your personal balance sheet.  I realize this isn’t the most interesting part of life, but if you’re looking to get smarter about your money after divorce, knowing what you have, what you owe, what you earn and what you pay is the clearest way forward.  If you are in the midst of a divorce, it may be that there is a creative way to resolve your differences that are mutually beneficial.  For instance, sometimes it makes sense to retain a particular asset in lieu of support.  If you don’t know what you have and what you need in a very clear way, you will not be able to make the best decisions to move forward. If you are getting divorced you need to know what you are entitled to receive, and could be looking at paying. For instance, you can look here for some great information about getting divorced in Massachusetts. With a roadmap forward you can begin to make the necessary recalibrations to get your financial life back in gear.

4. Abundance

Embrace Abundance.  Whatever your circumstance, the acceptance of your situation will allow you the emotional freedom that you will need to move forward with power and grace. Maybe you were the primary breadwinner and now you find yourself having to pay you ex. You may find yourself feeling frustrated, angry, or even enraged. While it may not be pleasant to consider having to hand over a portion, even half of your earnings and income to you ex, consider the peace of mind that generosity of spirit will bring you in years to come. Maybe you were a stay-at-home parent and now you find yourself feeling scared or angry that you have to go to work just to make ends meet. While remaining clear in your goals, you can embrace abundance and allow yourself that acceptance delivers. That said, you want to be sure to advocate for your best interests.  You can be kind, smart and strong. Your abundance mentality will free you from holding onto anger, shame and resentment.  By embracing this abundant mentality, you will build your muscle around resilience and money after divorce.

5. Courage

Be Courageous.  Even if you have ample resources there are a variety of reasons that working with a divorce coach, therapist or certified divorce financial analyst may be very helpful.  Maybe you need some assistance to organize your money after divorce.  It could be that you need assistance with your post divorce budget.  Maybe you are emotionally struggling from the economic aftermath of your split. First, you may need to navigate your own emotions about having to share your resources with your ex.  Second, you may need financial education.  If you need help, ask questions. I’ve represented and coached many educated and highly accomplished women through and beyond their divorce.  On the other hand, if this is your first crack at it, it may take a degree of courage to overcome a sense of paralysis to take care of your money after divorce. By tackling the financial journey, including the emotional financial journey,  one step at a time. at a time you will develop greater competence and confidence.

Resiliency is what distinguishes those who muddle through and those who survive and thrive through life’s most difficult times. This holds true for getting through a rough financial patch that often is a byproduct of divorce. Your financial hardship ironically may be a great time for you to engage in your most powerful voice and  to take a second look at  finances, and to make your financial life after divorce better than before.

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P.S. Want more tools and resources to stay positive during a divorce? Download my Free Divorce Survive & Thrive Kit below!


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DISCLAIMER: The commentary, advice, and opinions from Gabrielle Hartley are for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice or mental health services. You should contact an attorney and/or mental health professional in your state to obtain advice with respect to any particular issue or problem. 


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